when I see a red dress I think of him.
He liked it when I would wear the color red, he said it looked really good on me, but he thought I looked adorable and sexy in all my clothes, or even nothing at all. he made every curve on my body feel right, like all the parts I felt insecure about were meant to be, and even, perfect. he made me feel good about eating normally, or even a little too much. He made me feel good about eating ice cream and candy and said I was the healthiest person he knew when I felt I had done something wrong to my body by eating candy and ice cream or missing a work out or two. He made every bit of me know that he thought it was sexy or cute and filled my mind with self love for my body.
If I can’t have you, then I don’t want anything.
I will forever miss you
I will forever miss the way he laughs and the way he moves his hands.
I will forever miss his big black boots and his long hair.
I will forever miss the sound of his breath as we lay in bed at night.
I will for ever miss his hugs with strong arms that held me tight.
I will forever miss his smell and the taste of his lips.
I will forever miss his words of love and caring looks he gave me.
I will forever miss the oat meal he made and the breakfast out at times.
I will forever miss his deep romantic eyes that swept me away.
I will for ever miss the tears that fell because we felt so much love.
I will never forget the drunkin nights the long talks and butterflies inside.
I will forever miss you and me together.
I will always love you for ever and ever.
I had a dream it snowed last night, everything was cold but comfortable, a thin layer covering everything in sight. He was there with me.
I know why I had this dream, Because we are no longer together, and the night I met him it started to snow. it was so beautiful. I remember it being cold but I had a happy fire burning under my skin. He made a quiet grunt sound as he took his arm and put it around my back. it was the cutest sound I had ever heard. He couldn’t help himself.
He walked me in the snow to his house, it was the first time I’d been there and the first time I truly felt happy in what seemed like forever. He touched my lower back as we came in the door for the first time. I felt nervous. but already trusted him. He told me I could sleep in his room if I wanted, He sat on his bed and I noticed him taking off his socks, at this point I usually felt like feet were weird but his feet were perfect, I looked around his room and giggled a little making fun of the pop cans he had sitting around his computer, he seemed a little embarrassed about them and I moved on to the rest of his room, I found a star wars video game, this made me happy, all though I never played the game in my life I was happy to see he enjoyed star wars. it was still snowing and the night was already creeping in to the early morning, Secretly I hoped he wanted me to crawl into his bed, but that was not my place to be. I was drunk so naturally I forgot what happened next or how we came to this point but he started talking about how large his hands are, he held his up to compare with mine, this excited me and I happily putt my hand to his. Like lightning to my heart his touch was like nothing I had ever felt and I already wanted more. I snapped out of it and looked to the side to see a girl staring at me, I was unsure of there relationship so I hoped my blushed cheeks and grin didn’t give me away.
He has been in my heart and on my mind every day after.
right now my life is crazy and idk what’s right or wrong. He left me, I needed a break to think about our relationship, but he said he couldn’t do that for a month, so, he left me. why do I feel like I did something wrong. I can’t control what he chooses to do.
Hike. on Aug 24th.
I went on an amazing hike today. my boyfriend and I did the whole thing, it was so exciting and fun. the light in the trees was stunning and there were so many different kinds of ferns to adore. it was quiet there, if you listened, you would hear a bird or two calling out and singing or the sound of the soft breeze through the trees. We had a picnic at the end near a cliff, over looking the seemingly never ending ocean. the way back was rough up the hill to the car, with each step my heart pounded harder and more sweat dripped down my face. it was great when we finally got to the top back to the car. it felt so real, so right, so important to my soul to be with nature and be in touch with my body and everything I’m feeling, the pain in my legs from the climb up and the fresh air in my lungs and the love I feel for this handsome man who so lovingly walks this beautiful earth with me and the love I feel for my own body and the love in my heart for the plants and the animals and the dirt and the rocks and it made me worry that maybe they do not know that I love them so much. I love planet earth, I love nature, and I hope I can somehow show how grateful I am.
I feel like everybody needs to slow down and really enjoy life.